Change Negative for Positive

The past is going to haunt me the rest of my life and pulling myself from such a rut that was nearly no way out, and this isn’t the first time, after loosing my husband 7 years ago, now let me explain, me and my high school sweetheart got pregnant and I had to turn my partying life around which I already had one child. I was 15 and raising a child. I was still attending school, I was still playing softball, and I was still doing my thing but with my daughter, so she was learning from what I was doing. Me and my husband went through a divorce and things just got bad on my behave was my mental illness and I like to run. Now this isn’t the option that should be done. It causes you too loose things and item that mean the most to you. I have those regrets. And trust me I hate it!! Hate it! Ha., back to the subject. So me and the ex husband started talking again falling back in love like we use to be. I didn’t feel like he loved me, he didn’t look at me the same. I was drinking a holy grave for my self. I was trying to drink my pain away. For over 15 years, now I won’t even touch a drink. But every now and then, and drugs, that’s a battle I was currently battling but I’m clean now. And proud of it. But so glad that I was able to come out of that rut I was in, I know some readers may know but I suffer from a serve brain injury and I’m emotional some days and others it’s a hard day. My parents don’t believe it’s possible but I’ve been in more fights then a few. And the reports say “remarkable” as of its impossible for me to have pulled out of whatever. There’s been a few occasions where I can’t recall what happened and I don’t think I can handle much more of fighting, anyways after loosing my husband I got careless and well that lead to the fights, well my husband ended up dying while incarcerated and well that’s what lead to all that mess. After all that happened I’ve learned from my past and I made choices that weren’t the best. I won’t allow that to step in my way. And I’m learning about what all comes with a brain injury and that alone in itself is enough. I get so frustrated and upset all the time its seeming like and that bothers me. And I have moments where I want to not do things. It’s a very Challenging to handle and feel like your alone in all this.

Anyways, moral of the story I made bad choices in my past decision making and ended up in a world of hell because of those choices. Our choices do play a part in our life’s and long term does affect us. As long as I keep making the right choices keep to my fathers word I think I’ll be okay. I know things will work there self out. And there’s always a lesson to learn in everything. That plans out: thank you for reading and all your support!

S.Nicxx